Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
