You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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