Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
