yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Randomize
