There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
