guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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