Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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