this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
