I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
