If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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