at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
