so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
