sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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