We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
