Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
