So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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