you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
