watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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