john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
