I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
