i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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