can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
