Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
