I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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