I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
