"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
