Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
