He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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