I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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