ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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