i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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