happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
