and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think your dad took our porno
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
