hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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