I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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