i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
