you traded sex for a burrito?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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