It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
