i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
