You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
