Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
