oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
