uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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