Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
