I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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