Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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