he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
