She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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