Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
