the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
