i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
