Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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