I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
