It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
