I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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