is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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