Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
