For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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