having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
