my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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