Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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