Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
