Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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