Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
