Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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