just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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