Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
