Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
